On not having Sex

I uphold that heterosexual men and women can be platonic friends.

To me, friends are friends. They so happen to be female. Or male. She-male. Whatever. To me, my connection and wavelength with the other person overrides the gender factor.

I like to consider myself to have many friends. Those fun to hang out with; those to go to the movies with; those few who’d drop everything and come by my side in my time of need; those I haven’t seen in years, but the next time we saw each other again, it was like we never lost touch; those I ask for advice; those patient ones who listen to my endless rants and put up with my moods.

And yes, they are both gals and guys. Do I have to limit my connections simply because some of them have dicks and I’ve got a hole?

Of course platonic relationships may get trickier if your partner doesn’t believe in it. You may get into trouble trying to convince him/her that having the opposite gender as friends has nothing to do with his/her own inadequacies and that you are in no way trying to find another partner.

We are all adults. And we trust (no?). We must know our limits. For me the acid test is simple - for whatever I mind my partner to be doing, I won’t do it too. This works both ways. As some of us are more liberal in our approach (and some others more conservative), you both as partners need to establish what is okay between the two of you.

This goes back to the real intent, of course. In being friends with the opposite sex, you always know if your intent is clear or you’re fishing for more.

The latter is clearly a different scope altogether. For the moment you want something more from the other person, it is no longer platonic. The moment you want something more, cut the crap of “Oh if I can’t have him/her, at least I want him/her as a friend”. Because you’ll always carry a glimmer of hope within you, silently praying that one day, your “friend” will come around. Please, if you are in this situation, stop kidding yourself and you're better off sucking an egg.

But another question arises – what if your platonic friend wants to take a step further? Yes this is likely to happen too.

Someone said to me recently, “We are easily clouded between friendship and a sense of attachment. We mistake understanding and passion.”

This got me thinking. Maybe, in every platonic relationship, one of you will reach a crossroad – could there be more to this? If so, at this point, both need to know where the other is standing. If both decides to give it a try, great! If not, hopefully you’re both mature enough to let go and remain close all the same.

Yin told me, “There’s no such thing as being platonic when you’re pretty”. To which, Malena agreed (though I do not think she knew I was quoting Yin).

Thing is, Malena has been hot all her life. Her experiences of men befriending her either ended with a marriage proposal over chicken rice or getting pounced at in the car at the end of the first innocent outing. I honestly do not know which of the two is worse.

I, on the other hand, look like Steve Urkel from Family Matters. Well, back in school at least.
(This is where you realize that all my claims to be a hot chick are cock talk) Whatever it is, despite how hot I claim myself to be, I don’t expect every Tom, Dick & Harry to be interested in me.

Hot or not, I’ve realized that being ok with platonic relationships is not common. My sangka baik attitude and friendliness has landed me more share of trouble than needed. Riz claimed that I’m a natural flirt and AA does not only stand for Alcoholic Anonymous, but also Arysa Anonymous. Ah sweetie, if the latter do exist, you'd make an automatic member *wink*

I admit that platonic relationships are tricky. If he/she has indicated interest, and you have said no, how can you be sure that staying friends will not give him/her hope? On one hand you do not want to lose the friendship, but on the other you do not want to lead the other person on. Tough judgment call eh?

All the same, can platonic relationships exist? Hell yes. So Malena, does this answer YOUR entry?

*muahh*